The Cowardly Lion

What happened to me over the last 6 months? Simply put, I'm at a loss for words. I reverted into exactly the opposite of what I was doing the first half of the year. My days have become parodies of themselves and I'm disappointed in what I haven't become.

My never-ending story goes something like this:

7:00 A.M. Get up & get caffeinated.
7:30 A.M. Post news to my site and respond to publisher emails.
8:00 A.M. Go for a run and general exercise.
9:30 A.M. Shower and eat.
10:00 A.M. Search the new job listings. Follow up on sent resumes.
11:00 A.M. Review material for site, make sure my writers are on track and write some material of my own.
12:00 P.M. Lunch & Arrested Development (ironic, I know) on HDNet.
1:00 P.M. Post / Upload video & media for the day.
2:00 P.M. Second run of the day, usually 3 miles.
3:00 P.M. Shower again and start testing new games.
5:00 P.M. Dinner
6:00 P.M. to Midnight: A combination of more job listing stuff, Ebaying, internet surfing, catching up on primetime TV and checking out video blogs.

I'm not saying that I haven't done anything new over the course of the past 6 months, but my days have been dreadfully similar to each other. I did get a promotion at the site I write for, from writer to Chief Editor. I revamped my sister's website into complete Flash. I also got up to NYC for a contracting job with MTV, but that fell apart incredibly quickly due to a girl with a drinking habit. At least I got a free trip up there, to see my sister and stargaze at Vic effing Mackey. I think I've been a help around the house as well during a troubling family crisis.

By all accounts, the gumption that got me to quit my job has rapidly diminished and I have absolutely no idea what to do next. I keep telling myself that I'm going to just leave, which I have the finances for, but I think I lack the courage. I'm the Cowardly Lion and there is no girl in ruby slippers that's going to help me get the hell out of the funk that I'm sinking into. (I credit the OZ references to the horrible Sci-Fi mini-series "Tin Man" that I sat through over the weekend. Boy it really sucked for the cast that they had.)

So that's where I'm at right now. Comments?